Wednesday, 4 November 2009


Who said the age of chivalry is dead, eh? Well think again. There is a knight in shining armour still. His name is Boris.

After reading of our Mayor's heroics in saving a passer by from a gang attack, I wondered how history would tell this heroic tale.....

Imagine the scene, dear reader, it is a dark and wintry night. A fair young maid pulls her shawl tight to shield her from the elements. She sees something out of the corner of her eye. For a moment she thinks she catches a glimpse of some Reebok Classics. That can mean only one thing. Hoodies! Then a cat emerges from an alley and she breathes a sigh of relief.

Then a strange noise drifts across the ether. Fear grips our heroine's heart as she recognises the sound. Rubbish R&B coming out of an old Nokia. Young People! The sound gets slowly nearer, she quickens her step, the noise gets louder still.

Then all of a sudden they emerge like a pack of wolves or latch-key kids. The gang of girls surround her. They are shouting at her but she doesn't understand a word. 'They sound like Ali G and Vikki Pollard' she thinks to herself in a moment of clarity. Now they have pushed her up against a car and one of them has an iron bar. Desperately she looks around for an escape route. There is none. 'Where have all the heroes gone?' she wonders 'Who will save me now?'

Then, through the mist, a bicycle bells rings. A mop headed knight on his trusty Raleigh rides forth to save the day.

"Shoo, shoo! Off with you I say!" cries our hero

"Pesky oiks!"

After chasing the fiends away our hero returned to walk the no longer distressed damsel home.

"My hero!" she gasped. "Though I'd still vote for Ken...."

There we go I think he'd like that. If you're reading this Boris, I am available for official biographies.

n.b. This is not how it really happened.