Monday, 14 December 2009

Bargains Up For Grabs In Copenhagen

The UN has often been accused of being nothing more than a talking shop. What the hell does that mean.?

Well, our trusty source of all knowledge, Wikipedia, says: "an organisation or place where discussion is the main activity, with no decisions or actions necessarily arising from the discussion."

This week, however, we've seen a new type of talking shop. This one has plenty of action. Buying and selling.

Copenhagen might have a wonderful Christmas market but this year there are extra special gifts available for Governments of developing countries.

Ease your conscience with the perfect gift: two CO2 cuts for the price of one. What a bargain. By buying some of the CO2 emisions allocated to the developing world you can keep your brand new coal burning power station while telling those who care that you've cut your emissions.

And guess what? It will count towards their cuts too.

So visit your local talking shop today for the gift that will keep on giving. For generation after generation....

For a catalogue of all the products available see Johann Hari's excellent piece in the Independent.

Wednesday, 4 November 2009


Who said the age of chivalry is dead, eh? Well think again. There is a knight in shining armour still. His name is Boris.

After reading of our Mayor's heroics in saving a passer by from a gang attack, I wondered how history would tell this heroic tale.....

Imagine the scene, dear reader, it is a dark and wintry night. A fair young maid pulls her shawl tight to shield her from the elements. She sees something out of the corner of her eye. For a moment she thinks she catches a glimpse of some Reebok Classics. That can mean only one thing. Hoodies! Then a cat emerges from an alley and she breathes a sigh of relief.

Then a strange noise drifts across the ether. Fear grips our heroine's heart as she recognises the sound. Rubbish R&B coming out of an old Nokia. Young People! The sound gets slowly nearer, she quickens her step, the noise gets louder still.

Then all of a sudden they emerge like a pack of wolves or latch-key kids. The gang of girls surround her. They are shouting at her but she doesn't understand a word. 'They sound like Ali G and Vikki Pollard' she thinks to herself in a moment of clarity. Now they have pushed her up against a car and one of them has an iron bar. Desperately she looks around for an escape route. There is none. 'Where have all the heroes gone?' she wonders 'Who will save me now?'

Then, through the mist, a bicycle bells rings. A mop headed knight on his trusty Raleigh rides forth to save the day.

"Shoo, shoo! Off with you I say!" cries our hero

"Pesky oiks!"

After chasing the fiends away our hero returned to walk the no longer distressed damsel home.

"My hero!" she gasped. "Though I'd still vote for Ken...."

There we go I think he'd like that. If you're reading this Boris, I am available for official biographies.

n.b. This is not how it really happened.

Monday, 26 October 2009

Free Speech Ain't Free After All

So, free speech. Corner stone of liberal democracy, basic human right, blah, blah, blah.

Being a fully signed up member of the free speech fan club (swearing allowed) I have been quite shocked by the fuss made over Nick Griffin's appearance on Question Time.

After all, are our politicians really so lacking in confidence that they don't have faith in themselves to defeat him in open debate?

I know that morale is supposedly low in the Commons at the moment but surely that's because now they have to pay for their own au pairs, not because they have lost the ability to win an argument.

Should you ever be inclined to listen to the goings on in the house (you poor thing) argue is all they seem to do.

Though I have often suspected that they are just making noise and waving order papers around rather than actually using words.

We send soldiers off to fight for 'democracy' in all sorts of remote parts of the world so you'd think that our glorious leaders would relish the chance to show people what's so great about it.

If we're all so worried about Nasty Nick's Blackshirts shouldn't we take every opportunity we can to publicly expose his views?

But wait! There are political points to be scored! What fun! Peter Hain certainly seems to think so....

Or perhaps it's the BBC that politico's have got a problem with. After the expenses scandal MP's have been picking up every stick they can find and beating Auntie with it. Give it a rest. Do your job.

Of course Nick Griffin is repugnant. Of course he's a racist. Of course no one should vote for him. Win the argument. It's not that hard.

Speaking to people like this might be unpleasant but that is the price of free speech. Pay up.